clearskies, bluewater

Insights, reflections and creative imaginings for our awakening world

A sense of entitlement in an age of need

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(Note: Dear Readers, as I looked for an image or quote for this post, I found out that the word ‘entitlement” is fraught with conservative political opinions that I admittedly do NOT share.  Therefore, this post has been a mini education in itself!  please feel free to share your opinions with me, and apologies if this word gave you a different impression than what I meant to say.–Leigh)

When I was young, in the 1960’s and 70’s, my family, and those of my friends and schoolmates, were solidly middle-class Americans. This meant that nobody in my little world ever experienced poverty, homelessness, or lack of necessities. Ever. As a child and adolescent, I was sheltered from knowledge of such things by my loving parents, who thought they were doing the right thing by protecting me from the sad truths of this world. They themselves, along with most of their generation, had grown up during the Depression and experienced Life Without. Being the good, kind and loving people they were, they (being my dad) worked hard every day of his life to provide plenty of the Good Life for his family, and he succeeded. We had Plenty of Everything.

It was therefore mysterious, and disturbing, to my family that as soon as I could possibly manage it, I left home and plunged myself into poverty. I won’t bore you with the long details of my life, dear Readers, but suffice to say, I have never been as well off as an adult as I was as a child. It was as though I somehow, unconsciously, understood that I had been entitled to good education and a clean, orderly and financially stable life without ever knowing why or having a clue as to how lucky I was.

After plunging myself willingly into poverty at the age of seventeen, I began to learn about the other side of life on planet earth. The hard way. Over the course of the next thirty years, I received a fairly comprehensive education about the school of hard knocks, and what life is like when one is not living under the illusion of entitlement.

Now it is 2014, and I find myself living again in Denver, Colorado, ironically enough. Fortunately I am not in the suburbs where I grew up, but in the heart of the city. I have written about what it is like to be here and the people whom I meet and see each day. Obviously, there are many classes of people living in this metropolis of nearly three million, from the richest to the very poorest. My current part-time work is as a reading tutor for some kids at an inner city school. Today I attended a meeting at this school, where the principal and his colleagues spoke about what it is like to teach there. 60% of the students are “English language learners,” meaning that English is their second language and more likely than not, not spoken much at home. This school contains mostly working class families, and many are at or below the poverty line. Through the meeting, I found out that the single biggest challenge the teachers face is concerning parental involvement in their children’s education. As the principal said, many of the parents themselves had a hard time in school, didn’t like it, didn’t do well, perhaps did not finish their education, and they pass those values (or lack thereof) onto their children.

What is a sense of entitlement, and where does it come from? Many of you might have quick, short answers to these questions, and to some degree, you would be correct. And yet. What are we humans really entitled to in this world? Is it having a basic human right to something, like clean air to breathe, clean water to drink? Or does it go deeper, into our constitutional rights to free speech, to the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness? Or does it have more to do with fundamental rights to a good education, a clean and warm home, loving family and friends, healthy and plentiful food to eat, etc?

Or does entitlement have more to do with the idea of not having to work or struggle for what you receive in life, in having things handed to you simply because you are alive and born into a particular family or societal strata, and think that you deserve and have the right to all of it and way more? Perhaps in the way of landed families of old, that the younger generations inherited the wealth and land from their forefathers from antiquity, giving hardly a thought to the poor who had no inheritance, who simply had the privilege of being able to work on the lord’s land, and had nothing in the end to show or pass onto their own children.

Tonight I am simply pondering these questions, dear Readers. My idealistic self would like to change the structure of society towards a more equitable direction, so that it is not only the rich white kids in the suburbs (or the private and charter schools) who receive the best education, but somehow create a society that everyone can thrive in, become truly educated and contribute their gifts to the whole. Where the concept of entitlement becomes something for all people, involving health on all levels, both personally and socially. Dear intelligent friends and readers, your thoughts please!

Related articles
http://privilegeofparenting.com/2009/11/25/the-secret-pain-of-the-entitled-child/

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Author: SingingBones

When we sing over the bones, we are calling the wild nature, the instinctive soul back, singing it alive again. To live with our wildness intact, is the greatest gift a woman can give herself. "It is the holy poetry and singing we are after." C.P. Estes

8 thoughts on “A sense of entitlement in an age of need

  1. While growing up in Southern California at about the same time, our experiences couldn’t have been more different. I never had the slightest sense of entitlement to anything. It was at best a struggle for survival. What different worlds we were born into! Foster care was no better, different but no better.

  2. Carolyn Myss has a very different take on entitlement — you might find this excerpt interesting. I haven’t heard the whole talk:

    http://www.soundstrue.com/weeklywisdom/?source=tami-simon&p=1597&category=PP&version=full

  3. are we entitled to anything?
    how do we simply be kind, offer goodness to one another?
    May you kindle the spark of belonging and goodness in your teachings.

  4. A great consideration, this,Leigh…….interestingly enough, I grew up in what was called a lower middle (or upper lower) class family…my mother confided in me that my father never made $10,000/year! Now, his peak earning year was 1959 and he made $9600. that year, so , in today’s dollars that was OK. But I grew up with a sense of scarcity;there was never enough. But, here is the interesting part: I was taught middle class values! All three of us kids were EXPECTED to go to college and have careers. So, I never saw my self as poor or without life options; just the opposite. I never felt entitled really; I knew I had to work hard to “get ahead” so I did. I came to expect abundance and it flowed to me. And it still does.

    I believe this is the key. What are our expectations of life? Do we expect to be poor? Do we expect to do well? Research has shown that poor black kids from the ghetto, when shown a possibility of college (which they had never considered) and are given support towards that goal, end up going to (and graduating from) college! I believe that helping people dream and supporting them in their dreams will do more in overcoming poverty that a thousand United Way programs!

    • Hi David B,
      thanks for sharing your story and opinion about this here. I must beg to differ with you concerning what we expect when we are young, from my personal life experience (at least this current lifetime): as I said, I was raised solidly middle-class, and my parents raised me with their values: namely that I would grow up, go to college, get married to hopefully someone well-off, and have a happy, secure life. I myself had quite other ideas, and I did not follow their expectations at all. In fact, I disappointed them continuously for years, even up to the current day, by stubbornly following my own, winding and unusual life path. Point is, expectations and hopes and dreams vs. what happens, who one meets, and what choices one makes– very different realities.

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