Greedily, hurridly, I swallow the last bite of Perfect Chocolate Mousse. With whipped cream, for added flavor and fat. I can’t help it, tonight it was just calling me, the last uneaten half of last night’s Perfect Dessert. Last night I savoured it, slowly tasting its rich chocolatiness and orgasmic flavor. Not tonight though. Because tonight, I have another blog to write. Right here, right now.
This blogging business!! It is sort of driving me crazy. I suppose you pro/bloggers out there know what I am talking about. There are different stages to the thing. First you begin it, unsure about how exactly to proceed, what you should write, if anybody out there in blogland will find it or want to read it. Then, you just start writing, and the sheer fun of it, of having a couple, then maybe a handful, or even more, other human beings read your writing gives you some push to continue.
Then you get the bloggers’ bug and you kind of like Have to Write.
Then, the inevitable Writer’s Block comes. Then it goes. And so it continues, in fits and starts. Now that I have signed up to follow several other writer’s blogs, I am finding an awful lot of mail in my inbox each day. We bloggers are a prolific bunch, as it were. I got a bit discouraged by it though, and started thinking, Hey, maybe I am another one of those bloggers just writing to write every day, with nothing exactly important, interesting or well-written enough to keep other people’s attention.
But hey, I also think I can’t let that stop me. I have to be honest with myself about why I have this blog in the first place. Is it just so that I can show a few other humans that I actually can write something, since I have finally just this year decided to be brave enough to actually call myself a writer? After all, I know I am at least as good as the woman in that little town I came from over there in America, who was the editor-in-chief and owner of her own independent newspaper for the past 4 years or so. She has no problem calling herself a writer. So what is my problem, anyway? Sigh. Self-esteem, and the lack of it. A demon I simply can never fully shake off.
Back to the thing I really want to write about tonight, the idea of Perfection. I read a blog post today by the Alternate Economy guy about it. He says,
Humans are capable of perfection. It is, in fact, the whole reason we have incarnated as humans. To become perfect. There is no other reason. We exist in order to experience. Not some things, but everything. That is why we have agreed to life. In order to experience all that can ever be experienced. But the goal of this process, the reason for experiencing everything, is to perfect oneself. We are here to become perfect. Not in one life. Not in this life. But perfection is the goal.
Now, reading this again, I can see his point. I think. And okay, I concede his point. Perfection is the goal. Is it the goal? Is to become perfect the real reason we humans incarnate life after life, and experience most everything but perfection?
I think about the idea more in this way: We are born, we grow up, live our lives, have all sorts of experiences, and one day, we die. This is true for everyone on the planet. Of course it is true that we can perfect things, or parts of ourselves. Maybe somebody has a talent for dancing, for example. He just loves to dance, always has. So he works and works and works on becoming a great dancer. One day, he realizes that he really IS a great dancer, with perfect moves. Sometimes when he is dancing, the whole world falls away and all that is left is simply the dance. He IS the dance, he becomes the dance, no separation. For that instant in time, he has reached Perfection. Yes. He could die afterwards and not regret it. After all, what more is there to do, now that he has reached Nirvana, Bliss, Perfection through his dancing.
Dear Readers, it is my very humble opinion, (which I am happily entitled to here, being as it is my own blog!) that once a human has reached utter perfection across the board, meaning in every way possible, Game Over. No reason to stay, no reason to keep being a human anymore. Unless, of course, one chooses to become a bodhisattva, meaning choosing to come back to this earthly plane in order to help free all other suffering beings. Well, there is that. But if one looks purely at one’s own evolution, then one really has to ask the question: Why AM I here, Really?
The Alternate Economy guy believes it is all about Love. Learning to really Love. He says,
Love is the perfect feeling. Love is the perfect state. Love is the perfect thought. If we can live in Love, we can become perfect. Because we have aligned ourselves with the Universe and the Truth. The Truth is that Love is good, Love is easy, Love is beautiful, Love is coming, Love is given freely and Love is everyone’s. The Truth is that through the perfection of Joy, Receiving, Passion, Hope, Compassion and Generosity we will become Love. We will become perfect.
Well, Dear Readers, what say you? Is it true that Love is easy? You know, it reads so nicely, it sounds so sweet; Love is free and everyone’s, Love is beautiful. Yes, of course it is! And yet. And yet, I cannot help but feel that there is something missing in this, it is too facile. Where is the depth to this kind of sweet, happy, beautiful love? I don’t wish to offend Alternate Reality Guy. I believe in Love and want the Ideal as much as anybody, I really do. But Life has shown me, through experience, that there is simply more to this human story than that. Why do we have to struggle, to suffer, to undergo terrible traumas and tragedy while in these earthly bodies? If it is true (and I personally believe that it is) that there is a benign, compassionate God somewhere, watching us humans with such keen interest to see what we will evolve into next, then it would be logical to assume that there are really very good reasons for all of it, the darkness as well as the light, the depth as well as the heights. Is it possible that our concept of Love could use a broadening, a bigger viewpoint than is ordinarily possible as the small human beings which we are most of the time?
Many years ago, when I was a young woman, I worked with a woman who had wisdom. I was going through a hard relationship, and was very sad. She wrote me a card which said, ‘even a beautiful painting has shadows to give it depth.’ I have never forgotten her words in all the years since. We love the tragedy as well as the comedy in life, because we need it. To become perfect, maybe. Or maybe just to become fully human.
Only one thing is really certain for me; I know I will not become perfect before I check out of this life. But. There are moments, moments of absolutely perfect, beautiful bliss. Whether it is found in feeling my beloved’s arms and mouth, tasting chocolate mousse, listening to a perfectly played violin concerto or seeing the pale, full moon rising over the eastern sky last night, makes no difference. We live, we suffer, we are imperfect, but every once in a while we receive perfect Grace. Then there is a reason to keep getting up each morning, to give thanks for another day. For it all. All of it.