“BEingness is embracing your energetic truth, as a divine being, as a human being of light, on the planet, at this time. And as you do that, as you shine in your truth, your life can only improve. As you are just as you are, as you allow that to shine, you will draw to you all of the wondrous things that you hold. This is mastery, Dear Ones, this is how you do it.” from http://trinityesoterics.com/2013/03/01/how-to-surrender-and-be-channeled-february-24-2013/
(Dear Readers, Please forgive me, but tonight I simply have to rant. If you prefer to not read a rant today, then simply skip this post. This is, after all, my blog. So I guess this is the best place for me to get it out of me, and into the ether.)
Frankly, at this moment, I have just about had it. All of it. I have been trying to quell my ego, get out of my head, and center all my energy on my heart, to practice being a loving, divine being, a human being of light, as they say in the above quote. But I just cannot do it right now. I cannot find the place of Peace, of Love, of Freedom, of Truth. For days now I have been agitated, full of sorrow, of pain, of anguish, of regret. And today I found Anger.
It’s not only about my own life, my own personal sorrow and pain at how my life has played out. I mean of course it is, but it is not ONLY about me. Yes, my ego is clinging on for dear life, obviously. But I am also angry and outraged about the whole mess: This world. I am just so utterly, completely disgusted by it all right now. I do not feel nice, nor kind, nor sweet nor gentle. AT ALL.
I had this thought recently: If you were to find yourself surrounded by a bunch of people who are all acting quite crazy (one could even say out of their minds) for long enough, and you were the only one who wasn’t acting like the others, it seems like it would only be a matter of time before you started questioning your own sanity. You might even end up believing that you were the one who was actually crazy, since everyone else seemed so happy the way that they were.
So it seems to be with the world at large. Life is becoming ever more absurd. Who is to say what is right? And yet. Where are people’s sense of moral outrage? Buried, asleep, or maybe they simply do not have any, they simply were born without any sense of truth, beauty, justice, goodness. I am walking around my life these days, honestly not understanding much of anything anymore. (I guess at one point in time I thought I did, a little at least.) But not now.
A blog post I read tonight that gives spiritual counsel, advises to ‘surrender to Source, God, Goddess, All That Is, the Angels, Jesus, Buddha, or whatever name you wish to give to a higher power.‘ They said that usually the only way that humans will surrender their perceived control over their lives is when they are completely at their wit’s end, due to the prevailing strength of the human ego. Well I think I am there.
I cannot stomach any more clichés, platitudes, ‘that’s just how it is” attitudes, and ‘What the fuck’ simplistic solutions. If I, along with all the portion of humanity who are a bit more awake than the rest of the sleepwalkers and zombie people, am to find my power through that much over-used and very misunderstood word, LOVE, then by God, teach me what it actually IS!! It has to be more than some simplistic, hand-holding, guitar-playing hippie-new-age-AUM-sounding idea of what Love is. It has to be more than just closing one’s eyes and breathing deeply while sitting in a lotus position. It has to be more than feeling peaceful and oh-so-happy at this wonderful new world we have entered now. It can be ALL of these things, they are all fine and I believe in all of it. But tonight, and in general, I implore the Gods and Angels and whichever benevolent beings of Light that might be listening in, there simply HAS to be more! The world is a bloody mess, unspeakable horrors are being wrought upon people, Nature and Earth every single day many times over….. and I simply do not, cannot believe that my smiling and embracing my own divinity is going to be enough to stop the casualties, madness and gross inhumanities occurring every day here on Earth. How many of us can walk on water yet?
Another blog post, another tall order: “practice looking at each situation in your life and forgiving everyone and everything throughout this lifetime and most especially yourself.” I have to pause, and breathe into this directive. It is simply too difficult for me to be able to truly forgive everyone, everything, and most of all, myself. At least right now.
Sometimes lately I feel so tired, so exhausted from wandering about this planet that I simply want to give up. Totally. To give up on life. I know these are dangerous words to utter, highly politically incorrect, forbidden. Even the thought of giving up is forbidden, right, dear Readers? Some things are simply not allowed to be spoken or written out loud.
Well, I told you it would be a rant. Rants don’t have to be logical, or careful, or make sense. Words can also be used to express one’s soul, one’s deepest gut, one’s worst anxieties. We need strong words that can cut through the politics, the niceties, the superficialities. Please know I am so strongly for Life, for Peace, for Love. Does this make me a hippie-weirdo? Haven’t there always been humans walking the planet who stood for these things? Some of them were killed for believing in them. Somehow I still have hope that enough of us believe in these words now to miraculously turn the tide and stop the madness. That little hope at times (like lately) is not much more than a faint glimmer, a few embers. But it never extinguishes completely.
One thing seems quite clear: the world as we have known it is crumbling before our eyes, more and more with each passing day. Did anyone see the news clip on Youtube that showed the Vatican, a few hours after the Pope announced his resignation, when a bolt of lightning came down and hit the very tip of its roof? The world we have all been living in is breaking up, and we all know it, we can see evidence all around us. What will come to take its place is up to us. Every single one of us. Even me.
- Lee Harris ~ March 2013 Energy Forecast (shiftfrequency.com)
- How to Surrender and BE (nalonmit.wordpress.com)