clearskies, bluewater

Insights, reflections and creative imaginings for our awakening world

3-13-13: The third thirteenth of the thirteenth

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Hello again, dear Readers. As today is the thirteenth day of the third month of the thirteenth year of our new millennium, it seems appropriate to write tonight to honor the strange and mysterious, yet somehow still beautiful, times we are currently living in. I guess I’ll start with an obvious question: is anyone else out there more or less freaking out these days also?

Another way to phrase it: are you experiencing extreme swings of mood and energy levels, accompanied by various states of mind from anxiety to depression, mild curiosity to outright incredulousness, as you try to go about your daily life? Do you have days when it takes every ounce of will you possess to simply get up and get on with your daily round? And perhaps days when you cannot even do that much, so cancel it all and stay in bed, or curled up with a book and a cup of tea…. maybe there are moments when you might find yourself in a rather ordinary place (such as the grocery store or bus station) and suddenly, overwhelmingly, you realize you simply have got to get out of there… Now.

martha-Graham

How is your emotional state these days?

Have you noticed how amazingly bright and strong the sunlight is these days? Or how amazingly dull many people around you seem to have become?

Of course it is entirely possible that for some of you, dear Readers, life seems to continue much as it always has, and you are personally feeling full of vitality, vigor and glowing health. It could be that you are blessed to be surrounded by people who are basically all healthy, happy and completely balanced in every way, and you have noticed not one out-of-the-ordinary thing about your life: To which I would simply say, perhaps you are living in a parallel universe to mine, and it sounds very nice! But. I suspect that those of you who take the time to read my humble words, may be experiencing similar symptoms and oddities in your world as I am. What in the world is going on? And is there any hope of it calming down anytime soon, we wonder.

Yesterday I took the bus to a city south of here called Ringsted. (I am supposed to go there once a week for the last bit of Danish language school I need to complete before taking the exam later this spring and hopefully passing it so I never have to go to Danish language school for foreigners ever again.) Well I made myself leave the house and get on the bus, though I was not feeling well to begin with. I half-dozed during the busride, and once I walked up to the city center, I began feeling worse and worse: light-headed, confused, and generally unhappy. I wandered around the streets for a while, pondering what to do with myself for the hour and a half before the class was to begin. After more time had passed and I was feeling more and more like going back home, I realized that I could take the next bus back in twenty minutes, or else wait a whole other hour for the next, or else force myself to walk up to the language school and suffer through another trying evening there. In the end, I hurried into a grocery store on the way to the bus station, grabbed two packages of butter and a package of romaine lettuce, paid for them and practically ran out of there and for the bus home. While in the store, the sight of the meats and sausages in the case nearly made me want to vomit, and every single person looked singularly surly and some almost frightening. Waiting for the bus to come, I watched people walking on the other side of the street. Most were wearing black, either completely or in combination with navy blues and charcoal greys. It’s like a disease, all the people in Denmark walking around wearing black, black and more black, even children wear black coats and black skinny jeans or leggings. The Saturnesque energy of this land has gripped the people and stubbornly will not let go. Of course it has affected me by now as well; I too wear charcoal grey and black far too often.

Once I returned back home, giving my husband a shock when I unexpectedly opened the door, I barely mumbled a weak hello and something about feeling ill, and headed straight for bed. Once I had flung off unnecessary clothing and curled up with the warm covers over me, I was able to begin to relax again. Breathing deeply, I told myself I was home, I was safe, everything was alright again… and drifted off into dreamless sleep. Classic panic attack, you say? Yes I suppose it was, and most unpleasant.

Today I stayed in all day long, watching the snowflakes silently falling outside my windows. Puttering about, listening to beautiful music by Monteverdi, working on a drawing-painting of a kindly-faced woman who is being handed a rose still unfurled, I dedicated the day to Self-Care without the slightest bit of guilt. I thought of the past, I dreamed of the future, I mused upon the present. When my husband came home, covered with snow and looking most unhappy, I discovered that he had tried to reach me several times in the morning but my phone was in my bag and I had not heard it. He scolded me and tried to make me feel badly about missing an opportunity for some substitute teaching work at the school because I hadn’t answered my telephone. And for a while, I did feel badly, not about missing the work, but about the fact that he scolded me like a child. Then I came to my senses and realized that no one, including him, could make me feel guilty without my permission. Once I let go of his bad reaction I was able to find my own center again and relaxed.

I tell this little story tonight because I imagine that many of you are also going through your own versions of becoming off-center and feeling slightly crazy or otherwise unwell. The symptoms are multi-faceted; encompassing the physical, emotional, mental and soul levels. Make no mistake: These are tricky waters to negotiate right now! The best advice I have received, and so pass on to you now, is to 1) Honor Yourself and do not downplay how you are feeling, 2) Practice daily Self-Care in whatever ways are appropriate and feel the most health-giving and relaxing to you, 3) do not hesitate to Ask for Help, from either other humans that you truly trust and know to be strong in themselves, or else from those beings in the spiritual realms whom you know you can go to for help ( such as angels, archangels, guardians, ancestors, the Blessed Mother, the Christ, and or whatever terms you find useful to call upon the Divine in your life). Above all, do not buy into fear-mongering and all of the lies being continually perpetuated by mass media. In fact, the more you can avoid reading, listening and watching the ‘popular’ news and broadcasting by corporate-backed institutions, the healthier it will be for your psyche and soul. I cannot emphasize this point strongly enough.

Dear Readers, I honor each of your journeys, and wherever you are, whatever path you are on, please remember you are not alone in it! It can feel excruciatingly lonely at times, but keep in mind that we are all in this journey towards a new world, a peaceful and sane world, together. Remember to hold to the Light and turn away from darkness and fear and those who perpetuate it. Stay brave and courageous and remember to breathe in and out. I remain with you all in solidarity.

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Author: SingingBones

When we sing over the bones, we are calling the wild nature, the instinctive soul back, singing it alive again. To live with our wildness intact, is the greatest gift a woman can give herself. "It is the holy poetry and singing we are after." C.P. Estes

6 thoughts on “3-13-13: The third thirteenth of the thirteenth

  1. Such a wonderfully full and open post that you have shared with us here. Indeed, it is so hard for us not to transfer external negativity and stress upon ourselves, even though we had nothing to do with it. I agree..what’s with black being the standard uniform? time to bring back some color into life!

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    • Hi Bella Emily! Thank you so much for the comment on this post…. I was in fact worried that I had said too much on the negative side and everybody hated this one. You never know which posts will hit readers a certain way, so I really appreciate your kind words.
      I know you can understand the European tendency to wear black, as you are a world traveller…. but I can imagine that where you live, as it is so beautiful and full of nature, most people wear more colors. As always, I enjoy your blog and your wonderful photography!! thanks for making me smile this evening in cold Denmark…. leigh

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  2. These days you describe are the kind that come around sometimes to all of us. Some people are more prey to such days than others. I remind myself that the days are getting longer. And you can carry your light within you.
    Probably a good moment in which to remember Roosevelt’s words that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. We can take action when truly awful things occur, but it is hard to take action against fear. You say: “Above all, do not buy into fear-mongering and all of the lies being continually perpetuated by mass media.” Listen to how wise you are!

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  3. Leigh…I am almost ashamed to say that I have been experiencing bliss almost continually….the trip to Costa Rica was so splendid and I feel SO blessed in my life…..which is not ,in any way to invalidate your experience……..I know you well and your experience is rich with meaning AND discomfort…..but you are transforming, my love…..

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