clearskies, bluewater

Insights, reflections and creative imaginings for our awakening world

Inquiry into the nature of pain

4 Comments

Hello again dear Readers. It has been some time since I have written a post here. Following is a partial reason why. Among all of the things Life has handed me lately, I have a fractured fifth metacarpal on my right hand. Translated, this means I am wearing a splint and bandage that covers my right hand and forearm. I still have use of three fingers, while my left, non-dominant hand has had to take over the reigns of doing the work of living. Shortly said, this situation sucks. It leaves me frequently tired and needing a lot of rest.

Being a curious sort of person, I have spent quite a bit of time inquiring into this situation from various perspectives. My mind has asked, “why me? Why now? What is the reason for this happening to me now, effectively stopping me in my tracks from the path I was on?” and on a bad day, the questions take on a more whiny tone, more like, “what the fuck?” Well, you can imagine.

Even heroes get the blues sometimes

Even heroes get the blues sometimes

Being mostly an existentialist nowadays, I realize that the significance of this unfortunate turn of events has the significance I assign it. Various things come to mind: I needed time for contemplating my new life path; there is something fabulous right around the bend, which I may have missed entirely had I kept going the direction I was headed; or perhaps it is yet another big life lesson in empathy and walking in another’s’ moccasins. Had I not broken my pinky finger, how would I know how difficult people have it when they cannot perform simple functions like opening a jar, a door, or tying their shoes? We able-bodied humans absolutely take for granted our manual dexterity and the ease with which we can do all those tasks we learned in early childhood. Now I realize just how tough it is when those capacities are suddenly taken away: Poof. Gone.

could be worse, I guess...

could be worse, I guess…

The pain body is a tough one. Chronic (or acute, for that matter) pain is such a crippling thing, shutting down one’s pleasure, will and desire for most things. Life becomes much smaller, closer, and time seems to drag to nearly a halt. These past weeks have been some of the longest I can recall. It seems there is so much I wish I could do and can barely manage, or not even. Cooking, one of my greatest loves, has shriveled in importance, along with my appetite. Keeping my personal space tidy has gone way down on the priority list, even showering has become less frequent. The amount of aches and pains around and in this body has grown exponentially. I feel suddenly quite old, and it is reflected in the mirror.

Dear Readers, I have no doubt that many of you can relate to what I am writing, and have been through similar situations. I have yet to find out how much longer I will have to keep the splint on my hand, how many more weeks I will be handicapped and unable to function normally. After the splint is off, there will be some period of strengthening and readjustment. Perhaps even some therapy. I feel like the sports player who is benched for the season, and frankly, just as unhappy about it. Now is the season for gardening, which I was looking forward to since wintertime. How unfair life is sometimes!

I realize I sound like a small child, complaining. I admit I have never been good at just ‘bucking up and taking it,” and suffering in silence. So this is also a lesson in maturity-through-adversity. On the positive side, I am learning to be ambidextrous, even cutting vegetables with my left hand. That hand, through perpetual disuse, is inelegant, clumsy, reminiscent of a three-year-old’s attempts with knife and fork. This time is also a biggie in learning Patience. I have to be patient with myself, and kind. I have no choice.

And finally, I am learning that sometimes one just has no control over what happens to them. What we always have, though, is the choice as to how we handle it. I have the opportunity, many times a day, to choose how to react to my hand being incapacitated. When I find myself really down in the mouth about it all, I recall my friend Mokasiya’s words: I can have all my feelings about it, and then I can make another choice. Slowly I am learning that he is absolutely right.

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Author: SingingBones

When we sing over the bones, we are calling the wild nature, the instinctive soul back, singing it alive again. To live with our wildness intact, is the greatest gift a woman can give herself. "It is the holy poetry and singing we are after." C.P. Estes

4 thoughts on “Inquiry into the nature of pain

  1. I love the wisdom of the Moka!

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  2. Hi! Visiting your blog after a long time and enjoying the new outlook. You have extracted positivism from adversity, what else is needed?
    But believe me, you are right.People are facing worse.I am a patient of Rheumatoid Arthritis for last 11 yrs.There are many who have other painful diseases or conditions which restrict them. Even worse – losing someone, or seeing loved ones and acquaintances suffer. The world is full of debilitation.
    They say:GOD WILL WRECK YOUR PLANS WHEN HE SEES YOUR PLANS ARE ABOUT TO WRECK YOU. So maybe, everything in life has a purpose, even pain!

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    • Hi. thanks for your comment. I have not been doing my blog for some time now. Thanks for your perspective on pain. I think it is a complicated issue that has much to offer us humans for learning about ourselves and the nature of the physical body. I hope you find peace in your days and ways to keep peaceful and positive, despite the pain you must deal with.
      with blessings and peace, Leig

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I had sprained my ankle once and walked with a cane for about a week. It changed my perspective on the need for elevators, curb cuts, handicapped parking spaces and other amenities that I had previously considered “nice but non-essential”. Getting lunch at the cafeteria with my cane, tray and drink was such a test of strength and balance. It gave me a whole new insight into how we design our spaces for the able bodied and can leave a whole segment of people behind. Now my preference is to make inclusive choices.

    Liked by 1 person

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