clearskies, bluewater

Insights, reflections and creative imaginings for our awakening world

Change, awe, disgust and disillusionment


(Warning: this post will be a rant, so if you are feeling light and happy and wish to stay that way, don’t bother reading this one. Thanks for your understanding, Leigh)

In the space of the past twelve hours, my emotional soulstate has run the gamut from peaceful, strong and grounded, to disappointed, bored, anxious, resentful, sad, angry, doubtful, curious, frustrated, and even nauseated, and now simply grounded and resigned. Quite a boatload for one day in the life. Are you feeling alright?

If I had a magic wand or superpowers to change this world, I would not hesitate. Everybody would be in for quite a surprise after my rework of this third dimensional world was complete. The first thing I would do, I think, is to obliterate television and all the industry that feeds it while being fed by it. What a disgusting monster it is. It works to portray the absolute basest and worst of human nature while also drawing people into its poison trap. But no, that is only a small sidebar of what I need to rant on tonight, dear Readers.

Paramahansa Yogananda, the great Indian guru who came to the United States during the early 20th century to help raise human consciousness, once said (I am paraphrasing), “This world is like a terrible horror movie. All the people sitting in the audience don’t know that it is only a movie, and so as they watch it they are believing it is real. But the best thing to do is to get to the beam. Get to the light, for it is only a play. What is Real is the light of God.” His words are absolutely true, and more important than ever.

What is real, and where is the beam in 2016? Nearly everywhere I look I see disillusionment, despair, disappointment, disaster and people trying in various ways to cope. Self medication is popular through the use of tobacco, recreational drugs and alcohol, gluttony, and caffeine. Many use electronic devices to distract. There are hundreds and thousands of ways to check out of this world for a minute or a lifetime. Yet for most of us, sooner or later we once again must come back to the basic nature of our life, and we find what? One of the great mysteries, ourselves.

It takes real audacity to live on this planet now, and to do it well, yes, superpowers. I mean this not metaphorically as much as literally. To stay sane and sober in the middle of it all takes creating some super powerful energy from within to develop ways to cope and smile and be compassionate.

Four weeks into my job as a cheese clerk at my local supermarket and I can barely stomach being there. It’s a Great American supermarket, full of just about every kind of food imaginable that’s available in this country. It’s bright, shiny, colorful and packed with foods and merchandise of every description. And it’s all on offer, every single day and night for one’s shopping convenience. All you need is money, honey.

Each shift that I work provides me with yet another opportunity to see how much food gets thrown out for the flimsiest of reasons. To be fair, my store donates a considerable amount of unsellable food to the food pantries, and so helps people to get a myriad of free groceries when they go for their allotment. But. So much more perfectly good food gets tossed into the garbage compactor or industrial compost bin even as people are sleeping on the streets of this town, cold, hungry and about as low as one can get in their station in life. Why can’t any of this food be given to the homeless?

As I am sure many of you know, Bernie Sanders’ presidential campaign is gathering a lot of momentum now. Following the trail on facebook each day, it is obvious that the Occupy Wall Street movement has devoted itself to getting Bernie into the White House this autumn. He is the Everyman’s Hero, a regular guy who is honest, cannot be bought, has been playing the game of Washington politics for a very long time, and he’s rallying the troops big time. He’s calling out Wall Street and the “billionaire class” for their crimes against humanity, he’s taking names and he’s intent upon dealing with the criminals in the way that so many of us would like: throwing them the hell out of their cushy seats of power and sending them to jail with no bond. Bernie is making all kinds of promises about what he will do to right all the wrongs done to Americans by those evil billionaires when elected. And it sounds so good, and I want to believe it could happen so very much.

Then I catch myself. Our American political system is at the point of being so corrupted, so full of arrogance, greed, self-interest, blasphemy and idiocy, that I honestly do not know how it can really be fixed. It really needs a complete and real dismantling and starting over again. Ben Franklin said it: About every 200 years, governments need a revolution and a new plan. That is where we are now.

Thomas Jefferson engraving after painting by Rembrandt Peale.

Today I saw a video made by a couple of scientists who were in the Arctic in November and filmed a gigantic chunk of glacier ice calving, or splitting apart and crashing into the sea. They said the size of the piece that broke off was around the size of lower Manhattan, except the walls of ice were more than twice as high as the skyscrapers. Watching the short clip was utterly awe-inspiring. Before my eyes, the ice that has made up the top of our earth for thousands of years was deconstructing itself. I do not doubt that it won’t be too much longer before all of the Arctic has melted completely. Then our world will look considerably different than it does today.

The buds on some of the big trees in the park near my home are getting fat. It is the last day of January, I am writing from Denver, Colorado. What we used to think was normal, for example, trees budding in late April and blooming beginning of May, is quickly becoming a history lesson for the young. So much of nature is having to adapt to new patterns of growth and decay, or else will probably not make it into the earth’s future. Animals and humans as well. I envision a future where it will be virtually impossible to tell if the creature next to you on the street or in the commuter train is natural or a human constructed android of some kind or other. The science fiction authors are closer to the truth than we can really know.

I admit it freely: this future is not one that I want to live in. Not At All. I know I am an old-fashioned person with peculiar ideas, but living on a world that no longer differentiates between what is natural (meaning not messed with by man) and what has been created in a laboratory somewhere, where no one understands much of anything about the substances they ingest, including what passes for food, and where people are so disconnected from each other and themselves that they can no longer acknowledge another’s presence, is a world that I refuse to be a part of any longer. Sorry, but the game is over for me at that point. And it seems like it is fast approaching, already here.

Send me the map, give me the plan, help me to find the way. The way out of this madness that passes for our world, our common life, and into some nice bubble world where the people are kind, where society doesn’t undermine one’s efforts to simply live in peace, and where things are still Real. Does such a place exist in time and space? I don’t know the answer to that. But I surely want to believe that it does. Over the rainbow, perhaps. On another world. Maybe in another universe even. Tonight, I am ready to have them beam me aboard.

Here’s a quote I found by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Thanks for the encouragement! Pinkola_Estes_discouragequote



Author: SingingBones

When we sing over the bones, we are calling the wild nature, the instinctive soul back, singing it alive again. To live with our wildness intact, is the greatest gift a woman can give herself. "It is the holy poetry and singing we are after." C.P. Estes

4 thoughts on “Change, awe, disgust and disillusionment

  1. You are not alone.
    I will repeat, pay attention, read this aloud and believe…
    You are not alone.

    Many of us frequently share your disillusionment and frustration.
    Repeatedly. I see our choice, and always remember, we have choices, as a “glass half-full/half-empty” choice. There is abundance in our world. An abundance of positivity. And an abundance of shit. Your rant, so effectively scribed, focuses on the ever-increasing pile of dung.

    Stay in touch with others who share your views on days like this, but don’t let your feelings, coupled with their situational despair, suck all of you down the poop shute. Of course there are days like this, but not ALL days are clearly this demoralizing. Co-create cells of resistance. It IS your choice.
    I start my day with a meditation, to ground me with Gaia, to allow the universal light to inspire and energize me, to center myself, to have GRATITUDE! My day is always better when I take stock at day’s-beginning how much abundance there is with which to have gratitude.

    Finally, I make it a mission to connect with anyone in my immediate range…friends, co-workers, strangers… and in some manner, eye contact, a nod, a smile, just be there for them. Be present. Connect.
    Of course I send love and compassion, but I realize it is important to forgive…to forgive others, and to forgive myself. I’ve also tasked myself to judge much less, but to listen, observe, pay more attention to develop empathy.
    I have constant gratitude for the choices the universe affords me. Consider writing your daily script of your choices.


    • Thanks, Orange Acorn. I appreciate you taking the time to send me this encouragement. There are many days when I would write just such words. It feels like once I am immersed in the workplace it’s an energy sucking vortex that drags me down and drains me. Obviously my work is to keep my head heart and soul above the dung hole. Just right now I am finding this very difficult to do gracefully.
      Again, thanks for your message back. And for reading my blog, it means a lot to know you and others are out there on the planet.
      This too shall pass. Namaste.


  2. Leigh….what you see in third dimensional reality IS relative truth. Yes, it is awful and nauseating. I see the same stuff. And,yet, I am continuing to express the finest quality of spirit I can, in the knowing that ,what I express, I know. I know you do the same thing. We can see with our eyes horrors aplenty, What we are seeing is projections from our own consciousness. You are right; the fear programming from television and societal messages have done their “job” and it does look awful.


    • I’d say projections from the collective consciousness that we all tap into at will. But your words beg the question, If I choose not to see the tree, does the tree still exist? I can (and prefer to) not look at the horrors that humanity has collectively created. But at times they are simply there, I have no choice but to see it. Then what? Buddhism says to notice it all, and not hold onto anything. Not so easy. That’s really what this post is about, noticing what has been happening around me and struggling to not let it drag me down. Of course it did, and No I don’t stay there for long.


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